Sunday, March 14, 2010

"Father And Mother, I Lack You"


"Mummy! Daddy! You're home!", the child said as he ran to hug them.

"What did you get for your Maths exam?"

The boy smiled and said, "I got 50..."

Mummy looks sternly at her son, her eyebrows narrowing almost immediately. Her face turns into a shade of red, as she hurls scolding after scolding at her 7-year old son. She refuses to give him any chance to explain his apparent laziness. As he tried to voice out his words, she slaps him and scolds him even more. Daddy brings a cane.

Welling with tears, the boy tries to mouth two words, when the rattan cane strikes his bottom hard, blow after blow. It leaves red marks. They continue shouting at him for about 5 minutes. Once the boy finds a few seconds of silence, with tears in his eyes, he mutters:

"...upon 50."
"Father And Mother, I Love You."
How can this basic explanation of the word "Family" be so lost nowadays?

Let's face it. No matter how much less incidents of parental abuse (whether direct or indirect) are reported nowadays in the paper - especially when the focus has been thrown on the IRs or Tiger Woods - families that harbour parental abuse still exist today.

And to all parents who are trying to stand up for themselves by making excuses such as "Oh, I'm concerned for my children's long-term welfare and academic future" and all that nonsense; well, you've just screwed them up big time. Don't try to make excuses for yourself. You've allowed (or are allowing) distinct, unadulterated, immaculate, unconditional parental love to be tainted by your own selfish, self-centered, or egocentric ideals.

In my opinion, true Love is unconditional. Parental love is therefore no exception. Loving your children more when they get better grades, and less when they get less exceptional ones, is a clear example that you're clearly not meant to be parents. Don't try to say that "Oh, actually deep down I love them very much"; even if you did feel that way as you delivered lash upon lash on your children, you're still dense enough not to realise that your children, especially younger ones, look more at what you DO to them, rather than what you INTENDED for them.

Young children are torn between how much you used to love and care for them when they were small, and the increasingly horrible ways that you treat them as they grow up to fit your ideals.

Some simply accept the ways that they are psychologically mistreated (no matter how seemingly mild) and suffer in pain.
Some "fortunate" ones are able to live up to their parents' expectations, and thus "earn" their parents' love and respect.
Some who try with their utmost might, eventually learn to accept the harsh truth that they'll never be able to fulfill their parents' expectations, which leads to them turning rebellious and cold towards their parents. Many adolescents fall into this category, which leads to what many adults call the phenomenon of "Teenage Rebellion".

....of course the list hasn't been exhausted but, eventually all these situations point to one thing: that Love becomes CONDITIONAL and is not given willingly and freely.

The family breaks up - bit by bit. As the years go by, a psychological gap between parents and children are created.

A gaping hole that lacks Love eventually worsens, becomes wider and infects the family from within.

Children steer clear of their parents (or even their siblings) and do not want to talk or be in contact with them as much as possible. The effect is that parents feel that their children are ungrateful and don't love them anymore, being constantly out of the house or locked up in their rooms.

Parents exchange fewer and fewer, and fewer words with their children. They are no longer close to their children as they feel them distant. They decide that their children are ungrateful for not repaying their parents for raising them up, eventually deciding to give up on them.

I need not go into more specific details, but the crux of the matter is that, a family is destroyed. Wrecked. Terrorized from within.

Parental love can be something so powerful when it is untainted, immaculate and unconditional - it can be the strongest binding force that holds a family together no matter how separated they may be by difficult careers and strenuous times.

When parental love is touched by societal ideals and evils, it will be the most devastating force that stealthily and slowly weakens and eventually breaks familial ties.

So please, dear, dearest parents, if you brought your children into the world with even the slightest intention of raising them up into models of society or models of your own ideals, don't doom yourself and your children. Change your ways and STOP relying on your children to accomplish what you couldn't accomplish when you were young and ambitious, or force them to be people they don't want to be. Shun your excuses that children are naive and unbecoming without guidance that YOU deem as "proper".

Listen to their hearts, save them from whatever troubles them. Be their pillars of support no matter what trouble they get themselves into, or no matter what decisions they make. If they ask for advice, always temper it with love and a mind that supports them. Love them, be with them always and never, ever desert them.

To the parents of a certain family out there that I know possesses such rare, unconditional love within, continue to keep close to your children. I admire you both very, very much. If I ever have children myself, I promise to follow in your footsteps.

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