rush of warmth and forgiveness.

I feel I've got a lot to thank God for yesterday - as well as what he's tried to teach me through this short experience. Last night, I met up with a close friend of mine who just came back from Australia. I hadn't seen him in a very long time - since bumping into each other at AHM. And to be honest, I confess i originally thought I'd lost this friendship of ours. We hadn't talked in a long time; I believed he'd - like many others who left - been "lost".

For years - due to several similar instances in secondary school - I came to believe (or understand, at that time) that friendships would never ever last unless the parties involved communicated on a regular basis. I've had several friends whom I thought were close to me, start to make their own friendships during jc/poly times after secondary school. As time passed, we lost much communication, and the friendships were lost as we drifted further apart.

It's the kind of feeling where your supposedly close friends "left" you for friends elsewhere - and realizing that hurt me a lot, especially since I grew attached to them. I re-defined my own personal definition of a "close friend" soon after my SJI days.

I shelled myself up tremendously and I didn't want to make any close friends. Yet similarly, perhaps in my nature, I became to feel insecure somehow.

I've tried to let my NS office work tire me out so I wouldn't think too much about things but, I found myself feeling lost every night before bed - till the next morning when work would occupy my thoughts once again.

I thanked God for allowing me to "regain" this close friend. I was happy. For the first time in very long, I slept well that night, undisturbed by strong heartbeats or cold sweat.

From a Christian perspective, I would say I already owe God so much for my sins and sinful nature -----

I certainly didn't deserve this experience (and the cookies and surprise presents), and I know I'll treasure them close to my heart :)