Love, or L^$+.

Love. It's an emotion that all of us will feel at some point in our lives. It represents a kind of interdependence, a special form of synergy that draws two or more people into a friendship or relationship - and it continues to prosper from then onwards.

Yet, its essence has been horribly tainted by the foibles of mankind, so much that people nowadays cannot sometimes tell the difference between it, and its more devilish, darker version - Lust.

Lust, being more than one of the Seven Deadly Sins, is surely something that is pervading the world to its perverse state. It distorts the mind, twists it, engendering a whole new, grotesque mindset in an individual, as he or she starts to oust the more beautiful, lasting, but more complex feelings of Love, for its more ominous antonym.

Lust is - in essence - a force that corrupts humanity. A driving need that goes beyond rational into the realm of the irrational.

Pornography itself is harmless; compared to the effects that linger afterwards. The hunger, the seemingly constant need for more -the more exciting, thrilling, daring deeds that serve only to warp the mind into its poisoned state.

All around in the world, be it homosexuals or heterosexuals alike who hide insidiously behind the veneers of freedom, democracy, fashion and art, many people continue to toxify the world's innocence with pretenses of beauty, fame, and glory. Lust. The driving desire to want the physical more than the emotional. It strikes me so hard as I see the world as I knew it, transform itself before me into a more perverse version of its former self.

Not trying to be psychospiritual, I nonetheless feel that Nature - if not God - would take its course to heal what is diseased.

- composed with my iPhone on 27/07/2010 at 7:02am

Morning reflections.

I had a dream last night again. It was pretty scary, and I played a part inside.

Being an avid fan of Resident Evil, this certainly didn't surprise me.

Within a block of flats, there I was, running up a corridor with several friends. I held an old pump-action rifle in my left hand, and what seemed to be a custom-made mortar handcannon with a weird movable potato-chip shaped ring around it in my right. Me and what seemed like a group of friends ran up to this particular unit on a particular floor, killing zombies along the way. Surprisingly, what really terrified me in reality was not just the close encounters I had with the living dead, but the entire trepidation I felt throughout the entire dream.

I was afraid like any normal person, though I still had my sense and cognitive abilities to know I was in danger and should fire. Eventually though, zombies dead aside, I was down to one shot in each weapon.

All my friends decided there and then to escape the building and probably elsewhere where it might be safe. All that is, except one girl. I saw her on the floor of the (weirdly) barren and seemingly burnt unit, sobbing and refusing to leave.

I decided to stay too, for some reason.

And then, some other moments later, I woke up. And that was when I felt it.

All of a sudden, I began to think of the people who were close to me. I felt, for a few minutes, the same paralysing fear and terror I'd experienced while fighting off the living dead. I hugged things nearby close to me, be it my pillow or my blanket.

Thinking about it now on the train to work, perhaps the homily from yesterday was manifesting itself in my mind.

Yesterday, the priest of my RC church gave a very, VERY short homily compared to the sermons I've heard. The basic point was prayer, and he brought up giving thanks to God for the day for - 3 to 5 minutes each day.

I don't believe that it was a matter of coincidence. I believe God was telling me, at my very waking point, that I should, somehow, treasure the fact that I still lived to today.

Ok that's weird - Celine Dion's "A New Day Has Come" just played on my iPod as I'm typing this. Anyway.

Maybe, just maybe, the living dead represented - in essence - Death.

This leads me to wonder, perhaps, that there are so many of us so dead in our souls; that, in the most cliche tone possible, we forget to - not to admire the flowers at the side, but be grateful for the fact that we are even able to put our eyes to gaze upon them.

Ploughing through the monotonies of daily work life, I really wonder how many out there truly ponder on their lives, be it having meaningful, quiet dialogues with God or the other celestial entities that others believe in, or - in the few moments before slumber, truly reflect on the day today in the most psychospiritual way possible -

and then, in the days ahead, be thankful for actually living out each tomorrow, each warm sunshine, each glowing sunset.

- composed on my iPod on 26/07/10, 6:58am

the little reminders.

It never fails to warm me up. Getting an sms or a call from someone whom you regard as close to me, telling me that they're safe.

It's the flicker of light that appears at the end of a day of moving shadows. A flame that spurs you on in the frigidity of life. It's so short, so simple - yet so impactful.

It's strange how you can be mulling over something for so long and poof - it disappears. Just like that.

IKEA.

Thanks for going to IKEA with me Zul, otherwise I'd have to spend yet another weekend staring at the ceiling and sparring with emotions :)

EXCITED!

Zul, I stayed home all weekend alone last week so please, LET'S GO TO IKEA!!!

...or I'll strangle you.

Penning Down..

Yet another penned post on the 7th of July.

I don't know, I just find that if I didn't write all this at the spur of that moment I wouldn't have been able to blog my thoughts in the same way or better :)

For those who've just gotten their postings, good luck. To those who got into OCS, bite your t-shirt/fingers or your gums, and get ready for a certain kind of hell before...a certain kind of paradise.

Insecurity.

Insecurity is like summoning a anguished thunderstorm when someone you love moves a centimetre away from you to watch upon the flowers, and in the process disconnecting herself or himself away from your touch.

It's something that holds close meaning to me, and I know what it feels like in all its totality. You keep telling yourself not to worry - asking why you worry - trying hard to distract yourself from thinking too much. But then everything surges in like a storm being forced into a teacup.

Haha. Another of those random thoughts on a Sunday night.

It's another cold week ahead and I hope to derive warmth somewhere, at least from the sachets of tea I'll be making for self-enjoyment :)

The immortalisation of memories - an attempt to explain my vivid yet vague thoughts =/

I penned this whilist doing sidegate duty. I had a lot of thoughts, but I couldn't quite get them all to focus. Well, I felt it wasn't exactly the right time because there was noise around and I was a little uncomfortable. Ahh well. Here's what I wrote anyways I felt like putting it up.

On a happier note, tomorrow tim, yj and DAVID (ELMO!!) are booking out! Congrats on POP-ing in advance yj :) it's something happy for you and thus I'm happy too :)

Enjoy your block leave and get all your friends out for a ball of a time :)